Don't Be A Bad Date

Have you been to a restaurant since COVID-19 started? While we were able to enjoy our first dinner out in Maine this past week, we're sticking to take away or curbside pickup at home. 

One thing that's nice about eating at home is that you eliminate the potential for a bad date. I'm not talking about the awkward high school, sweaty palms kind of date. I'm talking about the date that comments on your plate.

Picture this, you're scanning the menu at your favorite restaurant and you and your bestie decide to get the same thing. The waitress brings your meal and your bestie says something along the lines of "Wow, this is so big, there's no way I can eat all of this! I'm going to take the rest home for lunch and dinner tomorrow." Meanwhile, you're looking at your dish, thinking it's going to hit the spot and there won't be might not be any crumbs left because you're feeling super hungry. 

What you're left with is feeling badly because you've just been food shamed aka fat shamed. In addition to inadvertently shaming you for what you've ordered, your bestie is implying that they're "better" for eating less and you're "worse" for potentially having more. They might not see it that way, but it's pretty clear that our culture rewards those who consume less and shames the rest. 

Less means more for this particular friend or friends (let's be real, most women are weirdos around food). For whatever reason, your lunch date feels the need to perform in some way around their food. This is called performance behavior. She thinks that eating less makes her more....more in control and generally better. Feeling pressure to perform a certain way around food is, unfortunately, very common. You, my friend, know that restriction and dieting only lead to you feeling more out of control around food. 

I want to remind you that there's no way that you need to behave around your food except to relax. Relax and be in the moment. You've completely left your body if you're already sure how much you'll eat before you've even put a fork to your mouth. If you're truly in the moment and checking in with your body, you won't know when you'll be satisfied until you get satisfied. The dieters and those trying to live up to some ideal, will be the ones who decide ahead of time when they'll stop. When you aren't dieting, you can be in the moment and let your body guide you as to when to stop. Maybe you eat half, maybe you eat the whole thing. Maybe you order more. 

You don't have to, but you might want to let your bad date know that they're being a bad date. You can simply say to your friend that it's not okay to talk about my food and what I eat. Let's both enjoy our food and not worry about how much we eat. I want to be able to enjoy my food without feeling guilty or like I'm less than because I'm eating more than you. 

Once you're onto this bad date behavior, even if you chose not to say anything, It won't phase you because you're too smart to get sucked back into thankless performative behaviors that only cause you harm. Plus, if you're lucky enough to be eating out after months at home, you can savor a delicious meal that you didn't have to cook or clean up after.