I sat staring at the screen, squinting my eyes trying to make out the shape in the photo. It was somewhat round and vaguely resembled a cake, but it clearly wasn’t a birthday cake. Candles were stuck in the top, but that still wasn’t enough of a clue. I had to read the Instagram post to figure it out.

I have a love-hate relationship with social media, but recently I’ve been back on it with a new little project I’m working on here. Come join me and my happy little corner of the online world. I try to avoid doom scrolling, but whenever I go to post something in my account, I can’t resist looking at the home screen post which is how my photo investigation began.

I used to read this particular entrepreneur influencer‘s blog post but unsubscribed when she started posting about her new “healthy lifestyle” and “inadvertent” yet significant weight loss. Her so-called “transformation” was startling, mostly because she...

I think I’d rather stand in line all day at the DMV than get a colonoscopy. 

Apparently 45 is the new 50 in terms of the recommended age for getting a good luck up your buns, and my dad had a history of polyps so I’ve reluctantly scheduled this appointment thanks to my prodding sister.

The procedures book so far out that I don’t have to actually deal with decisions about prep and jugs and extra soft toilet paper for a few months, but I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t dreading the poopy prep, the day of main event and recovery. 

I’ve already been reading ahead to find out what the hell you can actually eat for the 3 whole days before the procedure. 

Spoiler alert, it’s not a lot. 

BUT, I’ve read that in the home stretch you can have Ginger Ale, clear Gatorade and yellow and white gummy bears and still keep the colon coast clear. You better believe I’ll be stocking up on those. 

I will not be using this...

It was as close to Dwight Schrute’s world that I’d ever been. I wove my way through office cubicles downstairs into the break room. It was my first workplace wellness talk and the whole time I was wishing Michael Scott would walk through the door. 

I talked about ways to stay sane during 70-80 hour work weeks during tax season. Hours long mid-day trips to the gym were out of the question, so I started with your favorite topic and mine….dieting. 

I reminded the office crew how hard dieting makes it to stay focused and how much it stresses the body. If you’re looking to be productive, dieting would be a last resort choice. Dieting is about as far from productive as you can get seeing as it boasts a 97% failure rate, costs an enormous amount of time and money and leaves you feeling like a bonafide crazy person around food.

In my experience, people can get behind the idea of foods not being good or bad, but the same question always lingers. 

My daughter was convinced that Michael Jackson’s song, Smooth Criminal, had the lyrics, “baby, are you walking, are you walking, baby?”. I know you’re figuring out the tune and will have it stuck in your head all day. You’re welcome. Taylor’s new album isn’t out just yet so this ear worm will hold you over until then. 

An innocent mistake. I get it. I used to sit next to my boom box playing tape cassettes and trying desperately to figure out words with just the right press of the rewind and forward buttons. Don’t get me started on what happened when the player “ate” the cassette tape and the ribbon laid helpless on the ground with all the words hidden forever. I can still picture those sad cassettes in the garbage. 

In my daughter’s defense, I actually thought the lyrics said, “Eddie, are you ok” but it’s not about baby or Eddie, it’s Annie. Turns out we were both wrong. 

...

At 7:01am, I picked up our telephone and dialed my best friend, Rachel. I couldn't call before 7am, because I might wake someone up and get in trouble with her step-mom. She wasn't a lady I wanted to mess with, so I waited an extra minute just to be safe. 

I could picture Rachel racing to pick up the hallway telephone before her brothers grabbed it. Luckily, the phone was just outside her bedroom so she had an advantage. I could picture her dragging the incredibly long cord all the way to the front of her closet to assess the situation. 

"What are you wearing today?" I'd ask. 

"Ummmm, I think my skirt and long sleeve shirt. Do you have something that matches?" she'd reply.

Once we had our outfits dialed in, we'd walk to meet at the corner and make our way to school. 

Wall phones, dialing, waiting for the clock to turn.....it all seems rather antiquated compared to today's scenario. 

My daughter wakes up and can check her "Snaps"...

I love a good list. I write lists every week and love putting together the annual list of your favorite articles from the year. I know you missed some good ones, so I’m wrapping them in a little bow for you to enjoy in the coming weeks. 

Instead of a list, I wish I could be like Oprah and call out your name and proclaim, “You get a car!”, but I can’t and that reminds me….

Why, Oprah, why? ICYMI, the WW board member and spokesperson who initially denounced weight loss drugs as “the easy way out” has now come full circle. She admits to taking a weight loss drug which has resulted in a noticeable weight loss for the mega star. 

This news is giving me all the feels, but I’ll just say these things for now.

Oprah might want to reconsider her involvement with WW since counting calories for the rest of her life wasn’t going to be the secret to lasting weight loss because 97% of people who attempt weight loss will not succeed....

I see you, 2023. 

Bright, shiny and new, like all the new kid's bikes under the Christmas tree. 

Maybe you're eagerly sharpening your pencils for those New Year's Resolutions because those new shiny bikes already seem very 2022.

Maybe you're tempted to plop, "lose x number of pounds" or "cleanse every three months" at the top of your list. 

Don't do it. 

Those list toppers are for those who don't know that diets don't work, except for a tiny fraction of people. 

Those list toppers are for those who believe there's still a way out there that will make them permanently smaller. Believe me, there's nothing new here in the land of dieting. It's all damaging to body and mind and doesn't work no matter how it's packaged and sold. 

Those list toppers are for the ones who still hold out a glimmer of hope that they'll not only lose weight permanently, but also win the lottery. I'm not sure which scenario has the worst odds, but they're both pretty...

I grew up around constant Dad jokes. 

A really bad answering machine message: 
"You've reached our summer home, some are home, some are not!"

A groaner every time:
"It's time for a honeymoon salad, lettuce alone."

The money joke:
"What do you get when you have 100 cows and deer? 100 sows and bucks!"

Maybe you, too, suffered from this fairly common childhood condition. 

To this day, our house relies and survives on jokes and humor but we never, ever, rely on those jokes being about body size or food consumption. 

I was recently texting with a friend who is increasingly concerned about her daughter's preoccupation with food and body. After we talked, she said, "Well I guess that means I can't joke about being one flu away from my goal weight." 

She's right. Using jokes to poke fun at people who already feel an enormous amount of shame around their body size or to suggest that permanently changing body size is not only possible, but expected, isn't...

In light of the news this week, I'm keeping things brief. Sometimes distraction is good and necessary, sometimes distraction takes us too far away from reality.

What do you do from so far away to help those suffering the unthinkable? Maybe a simple truce with your own body is a good place to start. Food (and your body) doesn't need to be the enemy or weapon. 

The diet industry is really good at making your mind be the "bad guy". They want you to believe that getting control over your food and body is a mind game. If you could just master the ability to control your "overdesire" and "overhunger" for food, you'd stop overthinking your food. Sound familiar? 

Guess what? Desiring food is normal and so is your hunger. You can't think your way out of or over your body's natural desire to be at a certain set point. Your body will win EVERY. TIME. You can meditate until you're a shiny golden Buddha statue, but you still wont be able to "overcome" natural and normal hunger and...

My daughter texted me from school with a desperate plea for help. 

She couldn't make up her mind about a school decision and was beside herself. 

"MOM. HELP. I NEED YOU TO JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO."

Except, I didn't swoop in and tell her what to do. She knew what she thought would be right for her and I wanted her to practice trusting her gut or hut (heart +gut). 

"You've got this. I will support you 100% either way," I replied.

I wasn't worried because she knows how to make decisions and it's not from a way you'd traditionally consider. Every day for 4-6 times a day she's choosing what she wants to eat. Even with having meals prepared for her at school and home, she's still choosing what and how much she wants on her plate. 

I don't hover over her asking her if she's sure she wants to eat something or suggest she might not really be hungry and just bored or tell her that a particular food choice is garbage. I don't want to erode her body's intuition when it...