I Can't vs. I Don't

I can’t vs. I don’t.

When you’re writing an essay or an email, it’s incredible how adding, subtracting, or switching just one little word can change the whole meaning of a sentence. 

Even just one letter can change the whole tone.

Consider the difference between “I believe in you” and “I believed in you.” Adding that tiny “d” changes everything.

When it comes to our bodies, our health, and the way we take care of ourselves, language matters. The words you say inside your mind. The words you say aloud. Every word influences the way you feel and act. 

For instance, there’s a big difference between saying “I can’t” and “I don’t.” 

“I can’t” conveys restriction, rules, and powerlessness. Like: “I can’t have that cake.” (Subtext: “I can’t...because I have no willpower, and I won’t be able to stop, and then I’ll eat way too much.”)

“I don’t” conveys choice. You are choosing to refrain from something. It’s not that you can’t. You absolutely could. You simply choose not to. Like: “I don’t eat processed sugar on its own very often because it leaves me feeling physically off, and I don’t like feeling that way. Instead I choose to balance the sugar I eat (which affects my blood sugar) with other macronutrients like protein, fiber and fat.”

When you switch from “I can’t” to a more empowering phrase—like, “I don’t,” “I choose not to,” or “I prefer not to”—it shifts the whole situation.

“I can’t have a drink” vs. “I don’t drink because I don’t like how it makes me feel.” (See how these two phrases feel really different?)

“I can’t have any more French fries” vs. “I don’t want any more fries, thanks. The ones I had earlier were amazing and I enjoyed each one!”

“I can’t eat anything after 8 p.m.” vs. “I choose to have dinner earlier in the day, usually around 6 or 7, because I’ve noticed this feels best for my body and leads to better sleep.” 

“I can’t do a headstand” vs. “I don’t want to practice headstand during yoga class today because I don’t feel ready to do that pose safely. Perhaps one day, I will be!”

Every time you notice yourself saying “I can’t,” I want you to switch it up and say, “I don’t.” 

This puts the power back into your hands. 

“I can’t” feels lost. “I don’t” shows that you’ve found what matters and where you stand. “Can’t” implies some external power over you. It feels like a parent scolding their child. “Don’t” is a whole different feeling. You’re in control. You decide. 

Subtract “can’t” from your vocabulary, and notice how much better you feel.

One word can change your whole mood, and your whole day.

xoxo, 

PS. I'm working one-on-one with smart moms for 6 weeks to teach them how to take the power back when it comes to food and body.  Hit reply if you're ready!

PPS. Facebook live is back!  Join me on Thursdays at 2pm EST for a deep dive on my weekly emails.  Sometimes my 4 year old runs in to show me a picture of the basketball he drew, but most of the time we get to the real talk about food and bodies.  

PPPS. Song of the day: “Don’t” by Ed Sheeran.