Afraid to be left alone with food?

                           Afraid to be left alone with food?

“Here we go again.”

It was usually night time when I’d feel that all-too-familiar pull.

Like an invisible cord pulling me out of bed and into the kitchen. I’d open the fridge, the freezer, the cupboards. Hungry. Empty. Searching.

Sometimes I was physically hungry. Oftentimes, though, I wasn’t hungry for food. I was hungry for something else—comfort, entertainment, pleasure, connection, love. Food would temporarily meet those needs. Well, sort of.

I felt like food had power over me. Food felt like a threat. An enemy.

“Why do I keep doing this?”

I couldn’t figure it out.

Many years later, now, I understand that the reason I felt out of control with food was because I was always trying to restrict myself. I’d “stick to my eating plan” (which was rigid and unsatisfying) during the daylight hours and then I’d “be bad” (yes, in those days, I thought that eating certain foods made me a “bad person”!) at night. Over and over.

The more I tried to control my eating habits, the more out of control I felt. It reached a point where I was literally afraid to be left alone in a room with food. I didn’t trust myself. I was afraid of “what I might do.”

How did I break out of this painful pattern?  The first, and most important, step was to stop restricting myself physically and emotionally.  

The next step was learning to notice—and change—my thoughts. Over time, I learned how to change the words I was saying to myself, which changed how I felt about myself, which also helped change my behavior.

You might be wondering, “How? How can someone change their own thoughts?”

Think of it this way. It’s like when you start typing a text message, but then you stop yourself and go, “No, wait, that’s not what I meant to say...” and you erase the text. You start over. You type something new. “Ah, yes, that’s more like it.” You can do the same thing with the words inside your mind.

You think to yourself:

“Ugh, I’m so bored and lonely. I want a whole bunch of ice cream. I already ate two cookies earlier. I already ‘messed up’ as usual, so oh well, I might as well just finish off the pint... and I’ll do better tomorrow.”

Yikes. Click the erase button. Start again. Create a new thought:

“I feel bored and lonely. I'm also hungry.  I’m tempted to eat a whole bunch of ice cream. I know the best solution is to feed myself until I feel physically and mentally satiated.  I'm not going to judge myself.  I'm going to nourish myself with all the macronutrients like carbohydrates, fat and protein, because that's when I feel the best. If I don't do that, my body might feel pretty sluggish tomorrow morning and that’s not how I want to feel. So I'll go for some peanut butter and banana toast and some ice cream, I will call my best friend because she always makes me laugh hysterically. And then if I still feel bored after that, I’ll watch something hilarious on Netflix.”

Type. Erase. Type again—this time, a new, fresh, kinder, and more positive thought. A thought that helps you to take good care of yourself—instead of harming yourself.

Once you learn how to type new thoughts into your brain, something miraculous happens. You feel different about yourself. You feel different about food, too. Food is no longer threatening. Food is just... food. It’s not triggering. It’s neutral. You will discover that you can walk past a tray of cookies and have one, or two, or none, and it’s not a big struggle one way or the other.

The end of the struggle begins when you stop restricting and start changing the thoughts in your mind.

PS. Hit REPLY to this email. Tell me a new, kind, positive thought that you’re going to type into your mind today.

xoxo,