The Five Whys
The Five Whys
Clients often tell me, “I want to lose weight.”
Sometimes they’re surprised when I ask, “OK, but why?”
I invite my clients to do an exercise called the Five Whys. You make a statement. Then you ask yourself, “Why?” You keep asking “Why?” at least five times… until you’ve gotten to the root, the deep source, the crux of the whole situation.
It might go like this:
Why do you want to lose weight?
So l can look better in my clothes.
Why do you want to look better in your clothes?
Because then I will feel better.
Why will you feel better?
Because I will be more confident.
Why does confidence matter to you?
If I’m confident, people will give me more respect.
Why do you want people to respect you?
When I feel respected, I am happy.
Then I’d ask my client, “Is there a way for you to feel more confident, respected, and happy right now—without necessarily changing anything about your body? Could that be possible? Could there be a way?”
There’s always a way.
It’s amazing what happens when we stop obsessing about “losing weight” and we pour all of that time, energy, and attention towards the real stuff, the deeper stuff.
Because it’s never really about losing weight. It’s about gaining confidence. Gaining respect. Gaining happiness. Or gaining something else that you want.
Those are beautiful feelings that you can create—with the power of your mind. You can choose to cultivate happiness in your life whether you weigh more than the woman standing next to you or less, whether you have blue eyes or brown, whether you have a broken leg in a cast or not. The external container has nothing to do with it.
Rather than obsessing about the weight you want to lose, consider…
what are the feelings you want to gain?
xoxo,
