Are you fatphobic? (An uncomfortable question.)

Are you fatphobic? (An uncomfortable question.)

When you see a fat person, what runs through your mind?

I know this is an uncomfortable question. But stay with me.

Be completely honest with yourself. Do you often notice yourself thinking cruel, mean-spirited, judgmental, or even fearful thoughts about fat people?

Of course, you would never—EVER—say any of these thoughts aloud. Certainly not to their face. But privately, confidentially, deep inside… do nasty thoughts sometimes arise in your mind?

For instance, you see a fat person joining your Thursday night fitness class. Without knowing anything about them, instantly, you make a snap judgment. You think, “Oh great. Now the teacher is going to have to slow down the whole class and make things easier. We won’t get a very good workout today.”

You see a fat person ordering a cheeseburger and internally, you recoil, thinking, “Yikes. Seriously? That’s your choice?” You take a smug forkful of your salad, feeling superior about your own body and food choices.

Your daughter comes home for a playdate with a new friend—who is significantly heavier than your kid. Again, while you would NEVER say anything aloud, there’s a small part of you that’s grateful your daughter is the slim one.

A fat person has a job interview at your workplace. Despite his numerous qualifications and great personality, a thought crosses your mind: “He’s probably fat because he’s lazy. He probably doesn’t take good care of himself. He’s probably in poor health—which will lead to lots of sick days. He’s probably not the best candidate for the job.”

Your husband has a new co-worker and he raves about how fantastic she is. You’re pleased to discover that she’s fat. “Good,” you think to yourself. “She’s not a threat to our marriage.”

Do these kinds of thoughts ever cross your mind? Maybe quietly? Maybe loudly? Do you think these thoughts about yourself, sometimes—directed towards your own body?

These are all examples of fat-phobic thoughts.  And if you have negative thoughts about your own body size (internal fatphobia), you most certainly have negative thoughts about other people's size (external fatphobia).  The two types of fatphobia and inextricable from one another.  

These kinds of thoughts are destructive and harmful for everyone in our society—people of all sizes—and they’re also unfair and untrue.

If you have fatphobic thoughts occasionally, or even frequently, it doesn’t mean you’re a “bad” person. It just means that you—like virtually everyone else in our society—have been conditioned to believe that “thin is pure and good” and “fat is nasty and bad.” 

You’ve been fed the “fat is bad” message on a DAILY BASIS—practically since the day you were born—from movies TV shows, magazines, and millions of commercials and marketing messages. You may have received fatphobic messages from your parents and other family members, too.

When you receive a specific message millions upon millions of times, what happens? You get brainwashed. You become convinced. You believe that it’s true. Even if it’s not.

It’s time to replace the old fatphobic beliefs with new ones.

This is a process of rewiring your mind. No, it’s not easy, and yes, it takes awareness and commitment. But we can all do it.

It starts the very next time you notice a fatphobic thought crossing your mind. Immediately INTERRUPT that thought, just like you would interrupt a bully who’s harassing your son or daughter. “Excuse me? Please stop now." Get curious with yourself instead of being upset with yourself. Dig deeper to find out where these beliefs come from and know that you can choose to think something else about the human being you're directing your judgement towards.  Remind yourself that this kind of behavior is not welcome here. Keep interrupting the fatphobic thoughts, over and over, whenever they arise, because kind thoughts towards other people ultimately mean more kind thoughts towards yourself.  Everybody wins.  

We can all build a better world—a world where NOBODY feels harassed, misunderstood, unfairly judged, ignored, overlooked, or bullied because of their size—and it starts on an individual level. It starts with me, with you, with our families and what we teach to our children. Erasing fatphobia starts with the thoughts in our minds and educating ourselves that health happens across a spectrum and in bodies of all different shapes and sizes.

xoxo,