Because I said so

Our kids had two weeks off school over Christmas. At the beginning of the break everyone was hopped up on freedom and anticipation, but by the 2nd week, the excitement had fizzled.  

Life is rough for this crew.  Yes, they were just showered with Christmas gifts and had a house full of things to do, but they still managed to be bored.  One of the kids even asked if she could email the principal to convince him to start school early.  

What do kids do when they're bored?  They ask for extra screen time or to go somewhere or to have more things.  I’d say no to most of it, but If you have kids, you know that saying no once isn't enough. Our kids are no fools, and they will try to beat me down with their continuous requests--ahem demands.

Can I please, please, please do, have, go (fill in the blank). The final plea usually sounds something like everyone else gets to do, have, go (fill in the blank), why won’t you leeeeeeet meeeeee?  

At this point, I simply answer, because I said so without feeling any guilt. I'm sure this isn’t recommended in the parenting expert’s handbook (still looking for my copy), but it works to stop the demands and we move on with a plan B.  

Now let’s think about this same parenting situation in terms of how we, as grownups, act around food. Let’s say we want to eat a certain food and we hear that voice in our heads saying can you please, please, please eat that.  I really want that now. We *think* we’re doing the right thing by denying ourselves because that seems like the “right” thing to do.  

You might deny yourself for any of these reasons:

“Normal people don’t eat this way, at least not the ones I see in the media”.

“I really need to eat cleaner than this”.

“You need to control yourself around food”.

“If you start eating this, you’ll never stop”.

"You're need to stop wanting this food so you can fix xyz problem."

All of these thoughts are from diet culture’s successful brainwashing. It’s completely understandable that you'd think this way based on the lies we’ve been told and sold about our bodies, our weight and our health. The reality, however, is that the more we try to control our food, the more out of control we feel around food.  Any time we restrict, our body will react by eating more than we normally would in order to compensate for the loss. Remember, the bow always snaps back.  

Let’s say you do give into that inner voice (this is a good thing) and allow yourself to eat what you want. With a dieter’s mindset, you’ll very likely start beating yourself up for being weak and having no will power (this is not a good thing).  You feel shame and guilt and embarrassment and wonder why you did such a horrible thing.  

First of all, it’s perfectly acceptable to eat a little more than your “normal” amount of food on some days, and there’s nothing horrible about the situation other than how you’re speaking to yourself.

Second, if you can allow yourself to eat what and when you want, you’ll actually be the wise parent who’s doing the right thing for their inner child by listening to and honoring your hunger cues.  Trust me, your body knows what it needs and that alone should be enough for you to give yourself permission to eat.  

It’s time to end the negative self-talk, guilt and shame around food. Just like you don’t feel guilty when you tell your kids no, you shouldn’t feel guilty when you listen to your body and say yes. Both situations can be justified with a simple, because I said so.

This week, listen to your body and nourish it in ways that it asks to be nourished without judgement or shame, and then move on with the things that really matter in your life…..because I said so.