Brace Yourself

After years of palate expanders, retainers and braces, my daughter will finally be getting her braces off next week. 

Just as I was about to hit "add to cart" on some confetti, streamers and balloons, our orthodontic technician delivered the grim news in his monochromatic tone. 

"Well, after you get your braces off, you'll wear a retainer 24/7 for four months and then shift to wearing your retainer at night only for the rest of your life".

"I'm sorry, did you just say.....FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE, like when she's seventy years old??"

Owen looked at me straight in the face and said, "yes, ma'am". 

My daughter mouthed from her reclined dentist chair position, "nobody wears them, mom", but I was still mortified. 

All these year of enduring pain and suffering and annoyance and it will never end? What kind of a deal is this?

You know my mind went straight to comparing this to a diet. 

The diet companies promise you they'll make your body smaller in no time just as long as you follow their program. It will be a lifestyle change and be your new way of life! You just need to change your metabolism and you can go back to eating whatever you want! A little short term pain and you'll be transformed forever! You deserve to look good! 

Sound familiar?  

Except there's no long term study that shows successful weight loss for more than a tiny fraction of people and you can be sure to endure some physical and mental suffering along the way as a consolation prize. You'll have to starve yourself for the rest of your life and basically have a life long eating disorder if you want to see lasting change. Can you imagine if the diet programs led with this tag line.....

"Start now and keep going for the rest of your life! You can count on pain and suffering, and having the joy sucked out of eating, cooking and socializing with friends and family. You'll be crazy around food, but damn, you'll look good! The endless loop of dieting awaits you, your time, your money and your energy!"

I hope you'll take a hard pass on the next diet/lifestyle/cleanse that comes your way. There are no quick fixes or "easy" ways to permanently change your body. And you certainly don't want to spend the rest of your life feeling crazy around food and obsessing about calories, points or carbs, do you? 

I'm over here still adding to cart, because brace removal is something to celebrate. Ask me in a year how that retainer is going.....she's already not making any promises and you shouldn't promise yourself any unrealistic goals either.