Don't Make My Brown Eyes Blue

“No, mommy has brown eyes, but daddy and your brother have blue eyes”.

 

She paused for dramatic effect and then blurted out, “change now!” in her most insistent tone.

 

“I wish I could have blue eyes. I've actually always wanted blue eyes, but my eyes will always be brown” I explained.

 

“But, mine blue?” She asked as her shoulders dropped in disappointment.

 

“Yes, isn’t that cool!”

 

“Yeah!!!” she squealed as she ran off with the puppy who couldn't care less about eye color and only wants her belly rubbed.

 

In that moment I was reminded of two things. The first is kids as young as two years old are picking up on subtle differences and our opinion of these differences. The second is that there's no resistance in presenting the facts. My eyes are brown, period. I've always thought they were a little boring despite being able to belt out the words to Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl at weddings, but they're staying brown. I don't bother arguing with my genetics because I know it’d be a losing battle. 

 

Genetics determine your hair color, eye color, height, shoe size and 70% of your body size. Sure, some things are easy to presto change-o like dying your hair, getting color changing contacts and throwing on some high heels, but none of these involves drastic measures that can harm you both physically or mentally. Funny how you can accept, albeit with some frustration, just about every physical characteristic except your body size. I'm sure you can attest to an enormous amount of resistance to your own body size facts along with the ability to accept your body size.

 

You might be with my two year old and her "change it now" attitude to your body, but for over 95% of people who try this approach, it’s a losing battle in the long run.

 

 

Diet culture is good at convincing people they can change and anyone with lived experience in a larger body will tell you that weight stigma, discrimination at work, unfair medical treatment (or no treatment in some cases), lack of clothing options and an inability to fit comfortably on airplanes, in restaurants and amusement parks (just to name a few) is incredibly painful and finding any way out of this pain is worth a try. Except it's not worth a try, when pain and suffering are involved. 

 

While there hasn’t been a movement to try turning all the brown eyes blue in America, there's a movement with the weight loss industry and the die hard dieters masquerading as lifestyle change warriors to make everyone a straight size.

 

Never mind that it’s not even genetically possible to have everyone be the same size, but if you think about it, is that even what you want? Recognizing and appreciating our differences is what makes our world unique, rich, interesting and diverse. 

 

Maybe you can adopt a little less of the "change now" attitude and a little more acceptance, relaxation and peace around all of your physical characteristics, including your size. Nobody wants to fight in a *virtually* no-win situation.