It Only Takes 90 Seconds

It Only Takes 90 Seconds

90 seconds. 

It’s less than the time you need to microwave leftovers. It’s definitely less time than you spend waiting for your potty-training toddler to do his or her business. And it’s absolutely less time than it takes to figure out where you left your phone (ahem, soccer field 4B last Saturday).  

90 seconds also happens to be the lifespan of an emotion—like anger, fear, or shame. Just 90 seconds. This has been confirmed by neuroanatomists who study how humans respond to stressful situations. 

Here’s how it works: 

First, a stressful event happens. For instance, you get a critical email from a colleague. You see a photo of your ex (with their new partner) on Instagram. Or you realize you’re over-due on a bill. Yikes. 

Your body reacts to this event with an intense rush of emotion. It might be Anger. Fear. Shame. Guilt. Anxiety. Loneliness. Disgust. This emotional rush will usually rise, peak, and then decline in the span of 90 seconds. (I know. It feels like it’s going to last forever. But it doesn’t.)

If you breathe slowly and just “ride it out” for 90 seconds, the intensity of the emotion subsides pretty quickly. After 90 seconds, you might not feel “completely amazing” but you will feel significantly better. 90 seconds is all it takes for the feeling to flow through you.

The problem is, most people can’t stand waiting for 90 seconds. Because when you’re experiencing an uncomfortable emotion, like shame, 90 seconds feels like an eternity. 

And so, as soon as that first wave of shame rushes through your body, what happens? After 2 or 3 seconds, ugggh, you just want to do something. Literally anything to escape this uncomfortable feeling. 

And then what happens? Probably, you reach for something to numb out and escape. You reach for your phone to distract yourself. Reach for the remote and search your next Netflix obsession. Or you react impulsively—firing off a snarky email that you later regret. Whoops. 

And thennn what happens? By numbing out, or acting impulsively, you make the situation even worse. You feel even crummier than before. You wind up prolonging the unpleasant emotion—longer than it needs to be!

Happily, there’s a better way to handle emotions. 

If you can ride it out for 90 seconds—feeling the discomfort, being with it, and letting it move through you—this changes everything. You’ll feel much more “in charge” of your emotional state. And, it becomes easier to make choices that nourish you rather than ones that deplete you.

So, the next time you feel an intense emotion surging through your body, try this:

1. Name the feeling. “This is fear.” “This is embarrassment.” “This is happiness.”
   
   
2. Notice the physical sensations that arise in your body. Flushed cheeks. Heart pounding. Heavy chest. Tight throat. Bonus points if you can describe the feeling in further detail—color, shape and size can even be used as descriptors. 
   
   
3. Breathe into the physical sensations. Don’t resist what is happening. Just let it happen. Remember: it’s a short ride. Just 90 seconds.
   
   
4. Stay with the feeling for the full 90 seconds. Watch the clock if it’s helpful. Watch the changes that arise in your body from a curious scientist’s point of view.
   
   
5. Remind yourself that there is nothing to fear: “This is just an emotion. I’m safe. This is temporary. This will pass.” When you notice the feeling pass, or beginning to shift, take another big, deep breath. Ahhhh. You made it to the other side. 

Notice. 

Breathe. 

Let it flow through you. 

When you learn how to feel your feelings and are willing to feel your feelings, you realize that you can handle anything.  Suddenly, things don’t seem so scary anymore.  

Next time you experience some big feelings, remember that they will pass. You can handle anything for 90 seconds. Really, you can. 

xoxo,