Mr. Ed

Hello, Mr. Ed.  

Would you ever sit back quietly and watch your child get bullied on the playground? 

If another kid was screaming derogatory insults at your child (“you’re lazy, ugly, worthless, disgusting, you’ll never succeed!”) throwing things at their face, hitting them, putting them in physical or emotional danger, would you sit back, sip your latte, and do nothing?

I’ll assume that you answered, “No.”

You wouldn’t just sit there passively. No way! If your child’s safety is being threatened, your mama-bear (or papa-bear) instincts fire up and you intervene—right away.

But what about the bully who lives inside your own mind?

When that bully starts hurling insults at you—do you intervene? Or do you sit back and take the abuse? 

If you have a history of dieting, restricting your food, or orthorexic behaviors (which means an excessive preoccupation with eating healthy foods), this is like having a cruel bully in your mind. It’s like an abusive relationship—with yourself. 

How can you put an end to this abusive relationship? One of the first steps is to notice when your inner-bully starts to bellow at you, and recognize that this bully’s voice is not “the truth.”

ED, or eating disorder, is the acronym that writer Jenni Shaefer (jennischaefer.com) coined as a way to create some distance in her mind from her eating disordered thoughts. ED is the name she gave to her inner-bully, which she describes in her book, Life Without Ed.

Whenever ED would start chattering about Jenni’s weight or size or ability to control herself, she would remind herself that “this is just ED talking. It’s not the truth, and it’s not the real me.”  

ED was persuasive and persistent and she had to work hard to realize that SHE was not ED.  

ED tried to make her believe she was only virtuous when she listened to him. But ED was not her true voice. ED was the years and layers of cultural brainwashing about her size, her worth, and her health.  

Give your inner-bully a name, like Jenni did. It might be ED. Or it might be something else—Obsessive Olivia, or Nit-Picky Nancy, the Troll, the Gremlin, or another name that you choose. Name this voice like you’re naming a monster in a children’s storybook—a beastly, vicious creature that is currently living inside your brain. This creature is NOT your friend. And this creature is not YOU. It’s an unwanted visitor in your head. An intruder.

Then, when you hear this voice arising in your mind, intervene—just like you would intervene if you saw a bully harassing your child at the park. Do something right away—text a friend, call your therapist, email your coach, journal about the negative thoughts you're having, breathe deeply, chat with yourself, give yourself a hug, whatever you need to do in that moment—to silence that bullying voice. In time, you can learn how to replace this bullying voice with a voice of love and caring—just like I’ve done, and just like Jenni did, too.  

Check in with compassion with your body. Take care of yourself just like you would take care of your own child.

“What do you need right now, sweetheart?” 

That’s the only question I want you to ask yourself today.  

This is a gentle, loving question that steers you in the right direction—further and further away from ED, until eventually his voice is just a faint cry way off in the distance, not the loudest voice in your mind.

Whatever you need today…

Give it to yourself.