My daughter's secret stash

My daughter's secret stash.

One night, I found out my youngest daughter had a secret stash.  

No, it wasn’t drugs or alcohol or anything illicit.

It was Halloween candy.  

I was reading a bedtime story to one of my sons—and my oldest daughter, Julia, came into the room. Gesturing towards her little sister’s bedroom, Julia blurted out…

“She’s eating chocolate, mom!!!”

What?!? I was upset. But not for the reasons you might think.

I wasn’t upset with my daughter for secretly eating chocolate in her room. I was upset with myself. Why? Because I had created an environment where my daughter thought she had to “sneak around” to get what she wanted to eat, an environment where certain foods were “shameful” or “forbidden” or made you “bad.” And that was never my intention.

What caused all of this to happen? Well, it all started a few weeks earlier—when I overheard another mom at the grocery store explaining to her child that they weren’t going to have any cookies tonight because it wasn’t “dessert night” and they would have to wait for the weekend.

No desserts during weeknights. Desserts are just for the weekend.

“Brilliant,” I thought to myself. “That seems reasonable.” Less sugar. Less complaining and begging for treats during the week. Seemed like a win-win for everyone. I decided to implement the same policy in our household.

But clearly, my “brilliant plan” had backfired. Instead of leading to “better health” for my family, it led to guilt-ridden snacking behind closed doors.

Once I tucked in my son, I pulled my girls aside and I explained that—from now on—there would be some changes in our home.

“Here’s the deal, girls…” I explained. “Today, we’re starting a new policy. If you want to eat chocolate or candy or anything else, go for it. You don’t need my permission. You are both old enough to decide if you want to eat something. All I ask is that you notice if you feel good after you eat it—and notice when you’ve had enough. Nothing is off limits. Only eating in secrecy is off limits. No keeping food hidden or in secret places. ‘K? We good with this?”

My daughters looked at me with wide-open eyes, completed astonished.

“You mean we can eat whatever we want and don’t have to ask you??!!”

“Yup.”

Daaaaannnng. This was exciting news to these two little sweethearts.

Did my two girls eat candy nonstop 24/7 until their teeth rotted out? Nope.

After the initial “We can eat annnnnnything!” novelty wore off, my girls just weren’t as excited about candy and sweets all the time anymore.

That’s the funny thing about food. Once a particular food is “fine” and “totally okay to eat,” it tends to lose its magnetic allure. It’s only when something is “off limits” or “not allowed” that we begin to obsess over it.

Thank you, Halloween candy stash, for teaching me an important lesson about why rigid food rules never work and inevitably backfire.

From now on, there’s no more hiding, guilt, shame, secrecy, or rigidity around our house… just freedom. (And chocolate whenever we want it.)

PS.  I still think my Pascha dark chocolate bar beats any candy bar—except Justin’s peanut butter cups and a snicker's bar in the freezer.  

xoxo,