My thighs are too big

My thighs are too big.

One night, I snuggled into bed to read a bedtime story to my daughters.  My youngest daughter and I were waiting for her sister. I noticed she was using her fists to lightly pound her thighs.  

I asked her, “Does that feel good?”

She said, “No, I don’t like my legs.”

After I asked why, she said, “Because they’re too big.”

My chest tightened. I had to take a deep breath. As a mom, hearing those words from your child’s mouth is heartbreaking—especially at such a young age.

I had my legs stretched next to hers and said, “Well, does that mean my legs are too big?” Obviously my adult legs—next to hers—are much bigger!

She giggled and said, “Noooooo!”

We had a chat. I explained to her that people come in all different shapes and sizes and there’s nothing wrong with anyone’s size. I told her that everyone gets exactly one body. It’s the only body you’re given, so it’s important to treat it with respect. I told her that I don’t like to think about the size of my various body parts, but instead I focus on what they can do.

My belly can grow and birth children.

My heart beats for me all day long without any reminders.

My legs have carried me across the country, across the ocean and back.  They can run, jump rope with my kids, skip while holding my child’s hand, hop through pretend obstacle courses, hit the dance floor, and strike a multitude of yoga poses.

My lungs breath for me to keep me alive.

My brain (which is the coolest body part) keeps all the intricate wires and connections working seamlessly.

My arms carry, care for, and hug these beautiful babies my husband and I have created.

Our bodies do miraculous things every minute. And yet millions of people forget to celebrate these miracles. Instead of leaping out of bed with amazement and joy about what our bodies can do, we make a mental list of 101 things that “aren’t good enough yet.” The diet industry urges us to focus on our container rather than our soul.

I don’t want any of my children to think that their worth or value is connected to how big or small their body might be. I don’t want any of them to shrink or change their body to be accepted by society. I don’t want them wasting their lives striving for an unattainable perfection point.

I want them to be healthy—which means approaching food and their body from a weight-neutral perspective. I want my kids to ask, “How can I take care of myself and feel good?” rather than, “How can I make myself skinnier?"

As the activist Ragen Chastain says, “Health is not an obligation, a barometer of worthiness, entirely within our control, or guaranteed under any circumstances.”

Teach your children to care for themselves, honor their hunger, and celebrate the enormous amount of incredible things that their bodies can do—regardless of their size.

Because there is nothing wrong with the size of my thighs, with my daughter’s thighs, with your thighs, with anybody’s thighs. The only thing that’s “wrong” is the oppressive diet culture—and millions of marketing messages—that relentlessly pester us to “slim down” and “shape up” and “shrink fast for bikini season.” Messages that convince us there must be a “problem” with how we look. But these messages are false.

Our bodies are not “problems” to be solved. Our bodies are miracles.

And miracles come in many sizes.

PS. You're pretty.  You're much bigger than any smaller pair of jeans you're wishing that you could fit into.  The only weight you need to lose is the weight of your negative thinking.  

xoxo,