One word can make all the difference

One word can make all the difference

During college, I was that nerdy girl who had a variety pack of different colored pens to take notes—plus highlighters, manila folders, the whole nine yards. I loved to learn—and I wasn’t afraid to raise my hand and ask questions.

When my now-husband first told his friends we were dating, they were like, “Andrea? You mean that girl with all those pens who always sits in the front row?” During one of our first dates, we went to my favorite place (the library) and he bought me a romantic gift (gum and notecards for studying). Yup, I was a total dork—and proud of it.

It was easy to ask my professors lots of good questions—but when it came to asking myself questions, sometimes, I struggled.  

If I was frustrated with myself—or grappling with a problem—I would ask myself a question like, “Why can’t I get this weekly dinner situation organized better?” or “Why can’t I stop yelling at my kids?” or “Why can’t I find time to get everything done? What is wrong with me?!” These self-critical questions would usually leave me feeling even more frustrated and stuck.

Later, through my life coach training, I learned a technique for asking myself better questions. Here it is:  

If you want to get a positive result, you need to ask yourself a positive question that encourages a solution. The word can’t needs to be eliminated from your line of questioning.  

Instead of, “Why can’t I get this weekly dinner situation organized better?” try asking, “How can I figure out a dinner solution?”

“How can I remain calm when my kids are doing mid-dinner dance parties and talking about farts and poop?”

“How can I find time to do what I need to today?”

Once you pose your question in this format, your brain can go to work for you. Your brain is the most incredible problem-solving machine on the planet. If you give it a dilemma and present it in the right way, it wants to solve it—and it will.

Another small wording-change that can make a huge difference: delete the word “but” and put “and” instead. For instance, instead of, “I want to practice yoga regularly but I have practically no time!” try saying to yourself: “I want to practice yoga regularly and I have practically no time. So how can I find a way to make this happen?” It’s a subtle wording change—but the second question feels so different than the first.

You will be blown away by what your brain is able to produce when you ask questions in a different way.

It’s amazing how one little change in your phrasing—even just one new word—can make all the difference.

PS. A little ditty from my college days that I still love.  

PPS. Yes, I am still obsessed with colored pens, notecards, and other organizational products. Here’s one of my all-time favorite notebooks for jotting down ideas.

xoxo,