The Clutches of Diet Culture

I don’t make time to do my hair. I should, but I don’t. I realized long ago that something's gotta give when trying to get six kids ready for school and my hair lost. 

I have all the things like a nice hair dryer and curling iron, but they just collect dust while I attempt a rather pathetic two minute post shower detangle spray and hair towel routine. To say I look forward to my haircuts is an understatement. Upon entry, the smell of fruity hibiscus hits my nose, I’m brought a cup of hot tea and then whisked off for a scalp massage. What makes every haircut special, though, is the conversations I have with my stylist. Over the years, I've had two, in particular, who consistently make my day. I’ll refer to them as daymakers. You know those people who leave you with a happy, perma-smile, kind of feeling. They're doing more than cutting hair and are rare gems worth treasuring. 

At my last haircut, my daymaker stylist and I, as usual, talked about the latest with kids, the world, our shared tragic motion sickness condition and then somehow we came to the bomb dropping topic. 

She told me that she started talking a weekly injection for weight loss.

I don’t go around telling everyone about my book or that I write to you (almost) every week so she didn’t know that she’d struck a nerve. 

I felt like Ursula had just ripped my voice out of my throat. I think I managed to squeak out a slow "nooooo" while she told me allllll the reasons why this was a legitimate option. I felt heartbroken as she's one of the most beautiful women I know inside and out. 

I don't blame her or anyone else who has decided to take weight loss drugs. Despite these drugs coming with a black box warning label (not even Phen phen came with this warning label), the desperation that users feel is what propels them to proceed without caution. You, me and every other woman has been subjected to diet culture’s clutches from the minute we were born so it’s no surprise that the weight loss drugs are raking in millions. 

I tried to explain to her all the reasons that this injection wasn't a good idea, but she was having none of it. 

Here's what she had to say:

Do you know what if feels like to have the rest of your life under control, but feel like you've failed and keep failing at this one particular thing? It’s so embarrassing. 

Have you stood in your closet after trying on all of your clothes and looked in the mirror in disgust because nothing fit or looked good? 

This extra weight can't be good for me. 

Losing weight will make me healthier.

My mom had weight loss surgery and she lost a lot of weight. 

I won't lie to my daughter. I'll just tell her that I'm taking medicine so I can be healthier. 

My heart twisted up into a knot that kept moving further up into my throat. I was sad for so many reasons. Diet culture has brainwashed us all into believing that weight and health are one and the same. I am here to tell you THEY ARE NOT. Your weight does NOT determine your health. Real markers like blood pressure and cholesterol and comprehensive blood panels give you a much more accurate picture of your health than weight alone. 

Weight is NOT entirely within your control and being a certain size isn’t a sign of failure, it’s very often a result of your predetermined weight based largely on genetics. It’s realllllly hard to override your body’s internal set point for weight. If you tried losing weight, you know this is true. 

Losing weight very often makes people unhealthier as the means to go about weight loss very often include starvation, self-harm, repeated weight loss attempts or yo-yo dieting and a disconnection from body and mind. 

Showing our daughters that we aren’t ok because of our size by having weight loss surgery or drugs puts them in a position to undoubtedly feel badly about themselves and likely take drastic measures if their body size is “larger” than what is deemed acceptable. It only takes one brave woman to break this cycle and show her children that there’s another way. 

The feelings of failure, shame, disappointment, embarrassment along with the false promise that weight loss actually works in the long run is what keeps people like you, me and my daymaker locked in diet culture’s clutches. I’m relieved to be free from those clutches, but understand how strong those clutches feel when you’re in the CULT of diet CULTure. 

I felt the pain my daymaker’s voice as we talked and sensed that I needed to back away. This wasn’t a fight I was going to win. I can hear you yelling at me through the screen and I hear you. I wanted nothing more than to find her house and rip the needles out of her possession. BUT, the thing about anti-diet work is you and I can’t force information and solutions on people who aren’t ready to hear them. 

I simply left a copy of my favorite anti-diet book on her chair the next day (thank you Amazon Prime) with a note that said “This book has a different approach you might want to learn about when you’re ready. I won’t bring up this topic again and hope you know that they only reason I did mention it, is because I care about you and think there is a better, healthier way.” (No, I did not say it was easier, because staying in diet culture’s clutches is easier in many ways because dieting in itself is a coping mechanism). 

I encourage you to let your friends and family know that there’s another way if they mention weight loss drugs. There’s no long term research on the efficacy and safety of these drugs and the risks are real, as in black label warning real.

Let’s do our part (even if it feels small) to save the daymakers. They are gems worth treasuring.