The Summer Slide

“Isn’t Eucerin another word for penis?” One of my kids asked after I mentioned that we had some Eucerin they could use if the Vaseline was running low. 

“Ummmm, no, no it’s not another word for penis.” I said with my best poker face. 

My other child chimed in right away with the question, “isn’t that thing boys pee in called a ‘urinator’? 

“Ummmm, no, no it’s not a urinator, it’s a uriNAL.”

This conversation means that we’ve officially hit our summer slide and forgot everything we know about sex ed and very likely every other school subject. In the past, now was about the time I would panic and order those summer “fun” books to prevent the dreaded “summer slide”. Those books were never fun for anyone, especially me, whose main job became summer unfun mom reminding threatening kids to do their work. 

Screw it. This summer we’re going full slip n slide with a swimsuit and inner tube down the summer slide. No books other than required school work. 

Leave the summer slide to your kids though, I don’t want you to go all cowabunga down the summer slide and forget what you learned when you hear your friends poolside or at a barbecue saying blah, blah, Noom or blah, blah, “intuitive fasting” or blah blah “WW” which you can join for six months and get the first month free (evil marketers)! 

You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. You can call a penis, Eucerin, but it’s still a penis. You can call diets whatever you want, but they still don’t work for the vast majority of people who try them. Don’t get triggered by any summer or pre-during-post pandemic “success” stories. Diets do work in the short term, it’s the long term track record that’s the problem. 

How much are you willing to torture yourself to get the extremely difficult result you want? What physical and mental costs are you willing to pay? How much of your precious time and money do you want to spend to end up right where you started (or heavier like 60% of all dieters)? That’s precisely why I decided to skip the mental insanity that would undoubtedly endure from my summer “curriculum”. 

So, Penis, Eucerin, it’s all good. Get your innertube out and enjoy your slip and slide. 

Happy summer!