When Positive Thinking Fails

"Why does it matter, I'm just going to fail the test anyways!" shouted my daughter as the car door slammed. 

"Out of all the possible thoughts out there, why are choosing to go with that one?" I asked. "Why not chose to think you're going to do great!"

"Mom, I do NOT want to hear any of your dumb coaching therapy this morning" she said firmly through clenched teeth. 

"Ok. who has something fun at school?!" was my attempt to shift gears which went over like a lead balloon. As we turned onto the highway, I searched for the Christmas station, because Mariah Carey can fix just about any bad mood. 

You know what else helps to shift your bad mood?

The power of positive thinking.

Reframing your thoughts and looking for evidence to disprove your crummy thoughts {I know you've got a lot thanks to 2020} can dramatically help during challenging times. 

As much as I believe in positive thinking, I know it doesn't fix every problem, especially when it comes to food. 

Positive thinking can't stop your food binges.

Diet culture will have you believe that binge eating is really just a coping mechanism and that if you can learn to manage your feelings, your thoughts or your lower brain you'll basically be able to think yourself thin. Insert game show WRONG horn. 

Binge eating is a reaction to PHYSICAL (active dieting) or EMOTIONAL (I'm hungry for that, but I won't allow myself to eat it or I'm eating eat, but telling myself I'm wrong for eating it) or UNINTENTIONAL (I got sick and I lost my appetite) deprivation.

When any of these types of deprivation are present, your body has a BIOLOGICAL response which triggers you to eat the amount of food needed to restore you back to the weight were you function optimally. There's no amount of positive thinking that will change the fact that your body is going to fight HARD to get you to eat what you need to survive. 

Think about it this way. You can control your breathing to a certain extent, but if you hold your breath, at some point you'll take a giant gasp of breath and keep breathing deeply until your Oxygen levels are restored. The same thing happens with food. Eating is a BIOLOGICAL urge just like breathing. If you cut your food supply short, you can bet your body is going to make up for lost nutrients through a binge. And thank god, because that binging behavior is literally saving your life. 

So don't even try any of that positive thinking that sounds like this: If I could just learn to manage my desires and thoughts about food, the binges will disappear. If I could just journal when I desire to eat, I'll be able to avoid eating too much.

When it comes to binge eating, the only cure is to stop dieting. Reject diets, not binges, which are the real coping mechanism to avoid. And just EAT. 

My daughter can keep rejecting my coaching advice. I'll keep teaching her that thinking positively is always an option.

Until then, it's me and Mariah Carey for the next two weeks of the morning commute. Wish me luck.