I think I’d rather stand in line all day at the DMV than get a colonoscopy. 

Apparently 45 is the new 50 in terms of the recommended age for getting a good luck up your buns, and my dad had a history of polyps so I’ve reluctantly scheduled this appointment thanks to my prodding sister.

The procedures book so far out that I don’t have to actually deal with decisions about prep and jugs and extra soft toilet paper for a few months, but I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t dreading the poopy prep, the day of main event and recovery. 

I’ve already been reading ahead to find out what the hell you can actually eat for the 3 whole days before the procedure. 

Spoiler alert, it’s not a lot. 

BUT, I’ve read that in the home stretch you can have Ginger Ale, clear Gatorade and yellow and white gummy bears and still keep the colon coast clear. You better believe I’ll be stocking up on those. 

I will not be using this...